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Often they simply stem from lack of information, feeling ashamed about things that are perfectly normal, and/or failing to communicate with our partners. Going into marriage believing that won’t happen to me perpetuates the idea that we are somehow different and that it’s going to be easy for us to do what’s clearly extremely difficult for most of the human population.If we all talked about sex, we would not only see that most of us have some room for improvement, but be able to share what’s worked and what hasn’t, saving others and ourselves unnecessary bad sex. There is nothing special about you and your partner.
It’s not reasonable to ask people to control their thoughts, and I would argue it is actually a bad idea.
Some may say this is pessimistic or unromantic, but going into a long-term partnership believing in the fantasy that we are special and it’s not going to be difficult may be setting us up for defeat.
I believe most couples come to points where they consider separating, whether they do or not.
I realize I’m training to help people who have problems, but I have yet to have anyone come to me and report that they are having amazing sex and are totally satisfied.
A great many of them tell me about problems and frustrations that they’ve never talked to anyone about, often not even their partners.